1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. You! Off my planet!!
4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
5. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
6. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
7. Allow me to introduce my selves...
8. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
9. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
10. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
11. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
12. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
13. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't
fallen asleep yet.
14. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
15. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? leave the
house?
17. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
18. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
19. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
20. Okay, okay, I take it back! Un(blank)you!
21. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
22. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
23. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside
the earth.
24. Earth is full. Go home.
25. Is it time for your medication or mine?
26. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
27. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
28. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
29. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
For more curmudgeonly commentary, imagine the Best of the NYC Bumper Stickers, things you'd love to say at work, and appropriate affirmations to improve your mental health. Check out also the nearby collection of Gender Humor.